How to deal with conflicts in relationships? All relationships have conflicts, meaning there are no relationships with no conflicts; there are only different ways of conflict manifestation. Some are quiet, not too often; others are loud, more frequent. You cannot constantly be on the same length all the time; conflict or arguments may happen; it heavily depends on the way you handle, resolve it. Some couples will talk it out and get on with it; others will try to dismiss it, keep it to themselves, therefore, become resentful, while others will fight over it, not having proper communication. Having a way of resolving a conflict in a relationship is essential. Everyone is different; different methods will work for different people. But we found out that an easy, proven way is the following steps.
CLEARLY IDENTIFY THE ISSUE
The first thing to consider is to clearly identify the issue. More than often, people start arguing about a problem, and they end upbringing in a whole lot of other unresolved issues; they get lost in the process, and the issue at hand gets mixed up with the rest, eventually will not unresolve as well. So, it is crucial to clearly identify the problem and ensure that both of you are only looking to resolve the only issue.
TRY TO RESOLVE IT BY YOURSELVES
Once you identify, if it is something related to your relationship that does not require any external input, such issues related to your relationship, your children…try to resolve it yourself. Once you make your relationship affairs public, you will receive some unsolicited advice, which is usually not very helpful. Even when these pieces of advice are solicited, they are still not practical. You need to think for yourself, make your own decisions. Avoid exposing your relationship for advice; they seldom work because every relationship is different.
In some, it is unavoidable to involve a third party; in these cases, it is recommended the third party be professional.
MAKE A SET TIME TO TALK ABOUT THE ISSUE
Finding solutions to issues should be taken seriously in any relationship. Even if you see it is as a minor issue, take it seriously; it may not be that small for your partner. You do need to be formal; it does not need to be strict or lengthy, but you still need to make time to talk about it. Especially nowadays, most partners in relationships are very busy. It could be when the children are sleeping, it could be at a café or even over the phone.
Communication is key in any relationship, proper communication. Avoid the type of communication where you are talking at the same time. When communicating over an issue. If the problem is not caused by one of the partners, each partner can give his/her take on the matter. If the issue arises because of the behaviour of one of the partners, then the unhappy partner should speak first, stating the facts as they are, saying the way they feel about it, ask the culprit what they will do about it. Then the culprit can explain, apologise if they accept the facts, and then say how they will address the issue; correct the facts if they think the account is incorrect. Still, they apologise for the way their partner felt as a result.
It is important to listen, really listen while communicating. Some people do not really listen. Referring to the paragraph on communication, while the unhappy partner is relating the facts, in some cases, the culprit will be busy doing something else. For example, it could be on the phone or trying to give excuses by continually interrupting or thinking about what they will say for their defence. Doing so, they missed important information, especially the parts where the unhappy partner said the way they feel, what they would like done. As a result, the issue might not get resolved. So, listen carefully to what your partner said and consider your partner’s opinion. Do not dismiss their feeling. What seems small, insignificant to you might be huge for your partner. Together decide on an action plan.
The action will consist of what you decide to do regarding the issue to solve it. Stick to what you decide; keep your word. Should you face any challenge in the process, discuss and choose another plan.
How to deal with conflicts in relationships? By simply following the steps above, described as:
- Clearly identifying the issue,
- Try to resolve it by yourselves,
- Making a set time to talk about the issue,
- Properly communicate about the issue,
- Really listen,
- Taking action
Do you know any other way? Please share in the comments section.