How to ask for more sex in a relationship? It is not a secret that sex is significant in most relationships. As Jeanette Winterson, a writer, said, “I write about sex because often it feels like the most important thing in the world”. So, tending to each other sexual needs is crucial. But it could happen that in the relationship, the partners have different sexual needs, sex drives. One might want many rounds per night on regular basics, while the other partner can do with once in a while. If you find yourself in this situation, meaning you are unsatisfied with what you are getting, you can ask for more; it is customary to do so. As Dr Ruth Westheimer, a sex therapist, said, “never forget that you have every right to have a satisfying sex life.”“. but you should have some creatives ways to do it to avoid offending your partner. These creatives methods will give you a higher chance and help prevent you from rubbing your partner the wrong way, putting them on the defensive, and keeping them comfortable. You should address the issue, whether it is a new or a long-term relationship.
Here are some approaches that will increase the likelihood of success when you ask for more sex.
DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY
Most couples face this issue in their relationship. Being in the mood for sex when your partner isn’t is common. It often occurs being rejected more than accepted when asking for sex; in this case, do not take it personally. People have low libido for different reasons, including hormonal issues, stress, some medication…. so, look into the real reason for the problem and try to solve it. You have to remind yourself that your partner’s less interest in sex may not be because of you. Taking it personally will create other issues that could eventually end the relationship. You could miss out on a beautiful relationship because of a problem that could be resolved if you tried.
Here communication is critical. As says psychotherapist Rachel Sussman ‘there’s a lot of research showing that couples who have better communication have better sex lives’. It would be best if you let your partner know the issue. But do it in a diplomatic way to avoid putting your partner on the defensive. Start by recognising all the positives things in your relationship, praise your partner for their input. You can go through your usual sex routine, tell your partner what you like in the performance, the specific things they do and what you want. Please take the opportunity to ask them what they like, the things they would like you to do more. Doing so will help lay the foundation for you, telling them what you want as well. Do not mistake blaming your partner; the conversation will turn into an argument, and the issue will remain.
MAKE YOUR DESIRES, NEEDS TO BE KNOWN
Once you get your partner comfortable on the subject, time to slide into the conversation things about yourself, ask what your partner likes about your moves, suggest you can do more. On this line said what you want, details what make you satisfied and happy. Sex plays a vast and vital role in our lives, and it is essential to get what you want. At this point, it is recommended to be straightforward, detailed about your needs, take the opportunity to clarify everything. If there is a considerable gap between what you want and expect and what you are getting, assure your partner that you will gradually implement the changes.
TRY NEW THINGS
After the conversation with your partner, now is time to implement. It is always best to start gradually. So, move forward with actions. Here are new approaches to spice up or increase your new life.
- Me cuddlier: do not be cheap on affectionate gestures, do as much as you can. The more cuddles you give, the more cuddles you will receive. This is about hugs, kisses, holding hands, …
- Go back to basics: show some romance if you are lacking behind. Send romantic or naughty texts, send flowers or chocolate, take date night initiatives, …
- Schedule: make a plan with your partner about your sex life. Make some type of timetable on when you are having sex. You can start with only a few days, then add some more days gradually. Take it easy.
- Change settings: if you are used to having sex only in the bedroom, why not try other settings? Such as the kitchen, the bathroom, in the car…? The choice is endless. Get creative.
- Watch porn together: if you are not doing so, try to introduce some kind of pornography, especially those involving what you like. Get your partner to be accustomed to the type of things you want them to do in bed.
And do not forget to acknowledge and praise your partner for their efforts along the way.
How to ask for more sex in your relationship? Well, quite easily, talk it out and move forward with actions. The above recommendations include not taking it personally, communicating, making your desires and needs to be known, and then trying out new things. Do you have any other recommendations? Would you please share in the comments box?